“Scott, what are you doing for lunch? You want to go and get a steak and ale pie with me?” Tierney asked her flat mate and coworker.
“No thanks. I have a salad that I brought today and an avocado, but thanks for asking.” Tierney looked at the avocado before reaching over to grab it from Scott’s hands.
“This rock hard thing? Are you actually going to try to eat it?” Scott tried to take the avocado out of Tierney’s hands, but she pulled it out of his reach.
He was just a bit taller than her, yet he had a hard time getting the avocado back from her. As soon as she stuck it down her shirt, he knew he was a goner. He wasn’t good when it came to girls, especially not when they did things such as that. This situation made him distinctly uncomfortable. “Dammit, T. Give me back my avocado.”
“Come on, Scott. Come and get it.” Tierney shook her bosom at him, knowing full well that he would not even remotely attempt a grab for it.
Scott ran his fingers through his short, brown hair and laughed uncomfortably. “Why do you have to do this all the time?”
Tierney laughed. “Scott. I only do this because I know it makes you uncomfortable, and you know it!” She grinned at his look of chagrin.
“Dammit. Just give me back my avocado.” He glanced at her chest where he knew his avocado lurked and then looked away quickly, the blush rising up his neck and onto his cheeks. Tierney cackled evilly, but felt the need to take pity on him.
“Alright, come here, you damn wuss.” She pulled the avocado out of her shirt and handed it back to him. “I still have no idea how you plan on eating this rock hard avocado. It’s definitely not ripe.”
“Watch and learn, my darlin’” he said to her in his South Hampshire accent. “You just massage the avocado slowly, softening it up since it’s not ripe.” He carefully squeezed the avocado in his hand while Tierney looked on.
“Ah, much like you would massage a breast.” Scott gave her a disapproving look before turning a shade of crimson once again. “Or rather, like a STRAIGHT man would massage a breast at least. Certainly not you anyway.” Tierney giggled and winked at Scott. “So you really think that this is going to ripen up your avocado enough to eat it?”
“Yes, you just massage it for at least five minutes and it softens up enough to eat.”
Tierney gave Scott a skeptical look. “Have you done this before, or are you just pulling this out of your ass, Scott? Figuratively speaking of course!”
“Ugh, God, you’re insufferable!” He continued to “massage” his avocado.
“Ehehehehe. That’s what I hear.” Tierney glanced around the office, growing impatient with the massaging of the damn avocado. “Are you seriously going to sit here and massage that damn thing instead of going to lunch with me? Come on, I’ll buy you a wine if you just go with me and give up this avocado thing,” she whined.
“It’s almost there.” Scott implored. “I’m almost done. Be patient,” he scolded.
At that moment, the avocado seemingly exploded in Scott’s hand. He jumped, a look of surprise overtaking his face. Tierney snorted and covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to giggle quietly.
“Well, I guess this avocado was a bit more ripe than I thought.” Scott sucked the avocado innards off of his fingers.
Tierney watched Scott quietly. “So, wine and steak and ale pie at the pub down the street?” She questioned.
Scott set down the oozing avocado. “Yep, let me just get my jacket.”