So yesterday was rather productive.
It started off with a Pampered Chef party that I was putting on with my friend, Ami, at her house, and ended by helping her get her social media set up and sorted for her new business.
I was reminded yesterday why I don’t do these at home parties very often. They are hit or miss. In the past I’ve been very successful with these and other times not so much. The last party I had at my house was a Tastefully Simple party that went off really well! This one yesterday….is it wrong of me to be so disgruntled that I have decided to not go to anyone else’s parties anymore?
I’m always the one that attends these things for other people, so why does no one attend mine? My favorite excuse yesterday was the one where a friend (who shall remain nameless), who always expects everyone to come over to HER house/neighborhood on the other side of the city, told me that she couldn’t come because she was already scheduled to go a picnic for an association of which her husband is a member. The picnic was at 5pm. My party? 10:30am. “Oh, I didn’t know it was that early.” Needless to say, she didn’t show up.
Not anymore. I will be more choosy what I attend from now on. I will not just blanket attend everything I’m invited to. It’s like picking my battles…..I must pick and choose what thing, and whose things, I’m going to attend. And saying that makes me feel so selfish, so snobby, so antisocial, and just downright horrible and very self-serving. But I need to re-prioritize my life and what I want to make of it.
I work two jobs – my full-time office job and my part-time job serving and bartending (which is singlehandedly paying for me trip to London this fall). I work 5-6 days a week and some days I work anywhere from 8 to 15 hours a day between both jobs. I like them both. I like my coworkers at both. And I love my regular guests at the part-time job (I’m still so relatively new at my full-time job that I don’t really know my clients yet). I love bartending….I get paid to stand around and talk all night. If I could make a really good living doing just that, I think I would. But in order to do so I would have to go work at a different location, and likely a restaurant/bar that is a little more posh, etc. Would that change my work experience? Likely.
Anyway, I digress. The point I was trying to make is that I don’t have much free time. On a day or evening that I don’t work (which amounts to usually only about 3 nights a week), what I want to do is come home, have a beer or a glass of wine, and either sit and read or write. I want to decompress and relax. On the nights that I say, “yes I’ll come to your jewelry party” or whatever, that’s one less free evening or moment that I have to myself. The same goes for interacting with friends. I have some friends that I love dearly, but with whom interaction is just so taxing. I admit that often I put my phone on silent on my “free” nights in order to accomplish what I need to (when it comes to writing especially). Maybe I’m more selfish that I ever realized before. Am I?
I admit I tend to be a people pleaser. Other people pleasers out there understand my conundrum here. I don’t want to let anyone down. I don’t want to upset anyone (I am not very confrontational…is that normal of people pleasers as well?). But at my age I’m continually reminded that sometimes I may need to detoxify, declutter and de-dramafy (totally just made that word up) my life. I’m not getting any younger, and I’m reminded daily that if I really want to do something, I need to do it NOW. One friend in particular is always telling me, “Cut the cord, K. You don’t need this drama. You don’t need the toxic people. They take too much energy. You have to let go.” I know she’s right, but I just can’t do it entirely.
Either way, the point of my rambling here today is that I have come to realize that I may have to step back from my people pleasing loyalty in order to do what I want to accomplish in my life. As I said, I helped my friend, Ami, with setting up her social media for her new real estate business yesterday. When you have a moment, please check out her new blog, reagentami.wordpress.com. She will definitely be posting real estate advice as well as other very interesting, insightful things. Trust me on this. I’ve known this woman 90% of my life and am so happy to call her a friend. She is level-headed and my “voice of reason”. I think there will be much to learn from her blog!
But working with her on her blog and other social media yesterday made me really crave blogging. I have renewed desire to blog and write. And I have a desire to learn more about social media and help others figure out how to make it work for their businesses, etc. And I’ve also realized that in order to do these things, I have to prioritize. I have to work at what I want to do and accomplish, and that means I will have to be dedicated, sacrifice a bit, stay motivated, and prioritize. It doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with friends, etc. But in my mind it’s much like going to the gym. I have to go to the gym, or in this case write, and do it first – make it the priority. After I’ve gone to the gym/done my work and writing, I can meet up with friends . As long as I get done what I need to get done.
I hope people can understand what I’m doing and why, but I anticipate that many of them just won’t get it. I guess what really matters at this point in my life is being true to myself and doing what I want to do instead of what others want or expect from me.